i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
