Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
