i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
