i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
