True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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