ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
