FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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