Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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