She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
