you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
