the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
