i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
