i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
