I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
