Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
