I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to align my fucking chakras
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
