my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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