so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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