before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
