One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
