fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
