apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sex in a hospital.. check
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
