The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
