PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
