i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
