at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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