Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize