i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
