When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
