Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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