I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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