I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
