Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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