its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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