JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
