I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
