How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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