I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
