just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
