ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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