my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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