You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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