Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
