Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
