Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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