he wants to bone in the snuggie
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Floor bacon is actually really good
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
