He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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