I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
