for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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