So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize