____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
