also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
