There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
