And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
