I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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