i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
