ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want her autograph on my taint
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
