she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
