I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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