I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
