also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
