I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
