Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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