Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
