"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
