Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Alive.
So much puke
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
