i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
