I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
