you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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