I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am spending my child support on dildos
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
