the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
